Depressed

"He's turned his life around. He used to be
depressed and miserable.

Now he's miserable and depressed."

 ~Harry Kalas, on Garry Maddox, 1981

I used to think I had everything to make me happy. I really started to think something was wrong with me when I began to wonder if this was all to life there was. I didn't know a void in my life could be filled by truely seeking out the Lord. I mean, people told me that but I had to figure it out for myself.
Once I looked for Him and really meant it in my heart I realized I was establishing a relationship with Him.
Leaning on the Lord for me was now a sign of strength instead of weakness. Only He could fill the void I had, and once I submitted to that way of thinking I knew I couldn't change myself...but through His mercy and grace He began to change me.
Turning my life around was something I owe to Him.
At my job people call me,"'Happy Girl". I found this out much later. A coworker of mine asked me why I am always smiling. Quite frankly, I didn't realize I smiled that much.
"Why are you always smiling?" She asked me. "I don't see you sad or depressed."
"Really?" I said. "I just have anything to be depressed about I suppose."
My coworker rolled her eyes at me and laughed.
I have always thought as happiness and temperal. It comes and it goes. But a joy on the inside is something unmistakable wonderful. No one person gave it to me so no one person can take it away.
Maybe that's what all the smiling is about.
A joy in my salvation.